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Marriage Mondays

I truly hate to admit it, but I used to be a terrible nag.

Every five minutes I felt the need to remind my spouse, and everyone else for that matter, about what they needed to do.  It was as if I had no faith that they could take care of things on their own.  I was worse than my cell phone alarm – Don’t forget the milk… how could you forget the milk? Since you forgot the milk can you go back and pick up some cheese? When are you gonna fix my car? Mow the lawn…Do you have to be out so late? Don’t forget your vitamins…Don’t forget…to breathe…bark bark bark bark…!

I felt a tremendous need to be in control. I thought if I wasn’t constantly reminding and staying on top of things that they would some how fall apart without me.

The crazy part about it is, the more I nagged, the less that actually got done.  It seemed that the more I badgered, the more my spouse became more forgetful and more inconsiderate (in my opinion). What I didn’t realize was that I was driving him crazy and rubbing his last good nerve until it was completely raw.

It should’ve been no mystery to me why he stopped listening to me and simply did whatever he felt like. The more I nagged, the more he dropped the ball – which made me feel as if I couldn’t count on him, so I’d nagged some more, which ultimately just made things worse.

It meant that we couldn’t enjoy one day together without me switching gears to remind him about something he’d forgotten to do. It’s funny how I had plenty of reminders for him, when in fact there were so many things I’d also left undone on my end.  It’s crazy how I wanted to organize everybody else’s life, but the minute they attempted to do the same for me, I’d get upset.

It took dramatic circumstances and a three-year separation for me to realize the damage I was creating. Nobody wants people constantly nagging and reminding them of their faults. Yes, there is certainly a time to discuss expectations and responsibilities, but it must be done carefully and with love.

Yelling, “You always forget my birthday!” is not a good way to remind someone about your birthday.

Instead, telling your spouse, “I’d really love it if we could … this year for my birthday,” is much more gentle and more likely to get a positive response.

I learned the hard way that life is so much more peaceful when you let people do things in their own time. Most times they’ll surprise you and come through in ways you couldn’t have imagined or planned for yourself. I’m glad I finally learned my lesson and was given another chance to squash my nagging habits.

Now when I feel the need to nag or complain, I stop myself and think of a better way to deal with the issue.  Most of the time I realize, there’s no need to say anything at all – half the time we want to nag people about things because we don’t want to do them ourselves.  So why nag?

Do you ever find yourself nagging and barking? Do ever realize in the middle of a nag session that no one is listening anyway? How do you handle that?

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