Marriage Mondays
For as long as I can remember, my grandparents had always slept in separate beds. As a kid it didn’t seem odd, but now that I’m an adult I just can’t understand why a couple would choose to sleep apart.
I’ve heard about the conveniences: you don’t have to worry about having a blanket pulled away from you in the middle of the night or being kicked or listen to loud snoring. You can move around as you wish and take up the whole bed if you want. Yeah, those may be great but the benefits of having someone to sleep next to far outweigh the conveniences in my opinion.
Those three years that I was separated, I must admit that sleeping alone was by far the worse part of the entire experience. I hated sleeping alone. The bed seemed colder and the night seemed longer. I know those aren’t tangible reasons, but it felt really lonely to wake up from a nightmare, reach over and find no one there. But maybe that’s just my craziness.
I met a woman who seems very happy that she and her husband live in different homes for most of the week. He travels a lot and so he bought a home in the area he travels most and comes home when his traveling is done for a few days. I asked if she missed him during those days he was away and she proudly said, “No.” She nonchalantly listed several reasons why, one of which included snoring, and that was it.
As other women around us began to express their irritation with their husbands habits and how they too, wouldn’t mind living in separate homes, I immediately felt as if maybe, there was something wrong with me. Since when did it become okay, NOT to accept your spouse’s flaws?
When does snoring, passing gas, or otherwise being yourself at home become reason to live separately?
I just don’t understand, I wonder whether or not these people are so eager to have space because they really don’t enjoy being married, but for whatever reason don’t want to divorce. How many years can a couple live this way without one of them getting lonely and taking the opportunity of space and start cheating? Or is that not a concern when the living arrangements are such? Maybe I’m the one that has it all twisted for thinking things should be otherwise.
I must admit that today, I am perplexed. What do you think about this?
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Kiesha holds a Master of Arts in English and is a graduate of the University of Toledo.
I am just as perplexed about this as you are Kiesha. This doesn’t make any sense to me either.
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Well… I admit my husband and I have some sleeping issues, but our solution was not so drastic. I’m a MAJOR insomniac, and generally survive on 6 hours of sleep. He needs 8-10 to survive. He gets hot under more than a sheet, and I get cold unless I’m sleeping with at least three blankets… Plus, he snores, and I sleep INCREDIBLY lightly- anything wakes me up.
Major problems, right? Maybe we should have separate beds, right?
In fact, we’ve both got family members who have suggested we would both do better in separate beds.
Not acceptable for either of us, though…
Our solution? We still sleep in the same bed, and LOVE cuddling; however, we have separate blankets. We each have a twin comforter, and then whatever blankets we want.
This may not be the perfect solution- he still snores, and I still wake up. However, we both believe we NEED that cuddle time to connect. And I can’t sleep without him in the same bed anyway…. =)
My elder Aunt & Uncle had separate beds, I didn’t understand it as a kid it just seemed very odd. but of course never questioned it.
I don’t think I could go for the separate houses though….
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Married separate beds? Separate homes? | Highly Favored…
Marriage Mondays For as long as I can remember, my grandparents had always slept in separate beds. As a kid it didn’t seem odd, but now that I’m an adult ……
I can’t even fathom not being able to roll over into my husbands arms. As for those women who like their husbands being gone part of the week. I can’t help but wonder if they thought back to when his travelling first began if they can remember how hard it was at first. I would assume that most of them feel okay with it because it’s become a habit.
Hi Sheri!
I don’t know – but it’s amazing to hear how the seem to brag about enjoying their free time. It confuses me.
This is a sad commentary on some relationships. There is no doubt that some of it comes down to selfishness and a ‘me first’ attitude rather than an ‘us’ mentality. Not to sound condemnatory, but, get real, this cannot be a healthy thing. I totally agree about the rolling over and no one there being a horrible feeling. When my husband was deployed for 17 months, it put a whole new light on those vows we made at the altar. While a separation like that can just destroy a marriage, it can also reawaken a passion to help and serve your spouse for life. So many divorce cases are simply caused by selfishness, and it is so worth it to get over the small things. I am thankful for this post because it reminds me of how wonderful is God’s plan in marriage.
Hi RG, glad you to see you here. Yes, it is very sad indeed. And you’re absolutely right, it’s just flatout selfishness and an unwillingness to accept and love one another.