A few years ago I went out with a girlfriend of mine to a ballroom dancing class. At the time my husband and I were separated, and she knew I needed some therapeutic fun time. So we went to a class that they offer here for free every Sunday and Tuesday night.
It was a bit awkward at first, to say the least. I can’t really say I was ever the best dancer and now there were rules and counts I had to pay attention to – and the most intimidating part of all was learning how to follow.
This concept was totally foreign to me – I was used to the free style dancing that R&B and Hip-hop encouraged – and I had long given up trying to keep up with the latest dances in that genre. So I was totally unprepared for the challenge.
I’m serious – It felt like I had at least three left feet, I feared at any given moment I was going to trip and fall in my heels.
The instructor was patient though, and he illuminated a very important point that I could relate to marriage – it was all about the signals, or communication between men and women. The men were charged to lead the dance. They decided when it was time to half turn, full turn, or double turn. They also were in charge of making sure their was ample space (safety) and giving the right signal at the right time.
In other words, if the man wants a woman to do a double turn, he can’t wait until the last minute to raise the woman’s arm, it has to be in tune with the rhythm, with ample timing, so that the move can be performed smoothly.
Of course when I was first learning, it was NOT smooth – I kept bumping into people, I stepped on the poor instructor’s feet. I just didn’t think I could get it. Then during one class, my partner told me to just relax – just let him lead and stay on my count.
When I finally learned to relax and let my partner lead, that’s when I discovered how exciting ballroom dancing could be. I never knew when I’d be turned, when I’d be dipped, but it was an amazing feeling. I learned what it really mean to be “kept on my toes” because that’s how you ballroom dance gracefully – on your toes.
I realized that if I was ever going to learn how to dance, I was going to have to submit to both the music and my partner. It was definitely a challenge for me, but when I figured it out, I realized that was what I had been lacking in my marriage – I had never willfully submitted.
I always viewed submission in a negative light. I saw it as a threat to my independence. I never wanted to be under anyone’s control – that’s what I thought it meant. I felt like if I didn’t always try to control things in our life that things wouldn’t get done right. I didn’t realize it, but I was trying to lead my husband – it’s no wonder we kept bumping heads.
It took learning how to ballroom dance in order for me to figure out that submitting to my husband is not a threatening thing, but a necessary part – we both can’t lead things or else were going to continue to bump into each other and other people. And honestly, because of the way the dance is structured, I wouldn’t even know what to do without those signals to turn or change directions.
Since it was the man’s job to lead, my instructor constantly reminded us that if the dance went wrong, it was often due to lack of timely communication – it’s the same in marriage. This is not to say that if something is going wrong in a marriage that it’s all the man’s fault or that it means a woman is not properly following. It means that both people have to work together in order to move harmoniously and in order.
If you view marriage as a dance, you’ll come to realize that it can be exciting to let go and enjoy life together. Both husbands and wives have to submit to each other – that’s what falling in love is – submitting your heart to one another. You don’t always have to know what’s going to happen from one moment to the next – sometimes you just have to go with the flow of the music.
I’m glad I had another opportunity to take what I learned from ballroom dancing and apply it to my marriage. I’ve learned to pay more attention to his signals – I understand things more clearly now – it even makes things more exciting.
If you have a moment, take a look at these couples as they move gracefully together. Not only is a great way to spend quality time together, but it’s excellent exercise.
Don’t forget to link up your marriage related blog posts below.
If you enjoyed this post, you might also like these other Marriage Monday entries:
Married but separated, should you date?
What does the Bible say about marriage?
You don’t have to have a perfect marriage to have a happy marriage
Let go of anger and let God heal your marriage
You don’t have to pluck your own eye out, but…
Focus on the good in your spouse
Should you leave your unbelieving spouse?
What does Jesus say about marriage?
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Kiesha holds a Master of Arts in English, is a writing instructor and blog consultant.
Excellent analogy! So very very true …
.-= Kevin M.´s last blog ..Favourite Links Friday =-.
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Ballroom dancing and marriage | Highly Favored…
A few years ago I went out with a girlfriend of mine to a ballroom dancing class. At the time my husband and I were separated, and she knew I needed some therapeutic fun time……
I’m so glad you guys found a way to make it work. The analogy of ballroom dancing is perfect. My marriage didn’t weather the storm but hopefully what you’re putting out here can help someone else.
.-= Roschelle´s last blog ..How To Have a Better Twitter Experience with Lists =-.
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by krenee76: What Ballroom Dancing taught me about Marriage http://goo.gl/fb/f49K...
Hi kiesha,
it’s funny you should write this. Yesterday, there was an outburst on a radio programme and a report in the newspaper on a statement made by a clergy who i guess didnt explain the concept fully on wives submitting themselves to their husbands. The response from callers , the comments in the papers and the context of submission was …..
They should come over and read this. I loved the analogy here and believes we ought to communicate, compliment, sacrifice and uphold one another. I also believe there are roles couples assume because of their strengths.
.-= ayo´s last blog ..45 Benefits Of Thinking Constructively =-.
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Kiesha Reply:
February 16th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Hi Ayo,
I know exactly what type of outburst you’re talking about. Honestly, a few years ago I probably would’ve been one of the callers. But the thing is, once you submit your life to Christ, you come to recognize the necessity of order and that everybody can’t all have their hands on the steering wheel at the same time. Or else you’re going to crash! At that simple – that’s how I view it. And yes, based on your gifts, talents and strengths, that’s the role you play in your home. I’m not going to touch the gender role concept – that’s not what this is about. It’s about to people working together to make their home a better and more loving place.
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“Both husbands and wives have to submit to each other – that’s what love is, submitting your heart to one another.”
Vary true! If you can grasp this then marriage will be so much better. So many people go into it thinking only about what they will or can get out of it.
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Kiesha Reply:
February 16th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
@Robert Anthony – Thanks for stopping by. I was one of those people in the beginning – I thought marriage was all about my own happiness – if I wasn’t happy, it was because my spouse wasn’t making me happy. That was the most selfish view anyone could ever have. I’m so glad I had a revelation!
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This is a wonderful analogy! Thanks for sharing!
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We have such a fun time ballroom dancing, too! I just love it. And you’re right: the two biggest issues are communication and stepping back and allowing him to lead.
But it’s also just FUN. And I think more of us need to learn to laugh again in our marriages!
Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum
.-= Sheila Gregoire´s last blog ..Thoughts About Raising Daughters =-.
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@Sheila – You ballroom?! It’s amazing fun!! You really can loose all track of time. Plus, it gives me reason to wear heels.
Thanks for stopping by! It’s always an honor to see your face here! God Bless!
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I loved this thankyou so much for writing it, I met my wife 5 years ago, after 3 days of meeting she asked me to marry her, 4 months later we were married and 5 years on still no arguements.
I put that down to, as you say, letting each other grow and live life. We do a lot of things together, but it’s important for her, especially as a full time mum, to have her own little things to do and enjoy her way.
Fantastically written piece.
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Kiesha Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
@TheInfoPreneur – Thank you for sharing this. It’s so encouraging to hear about people who make the most of marriage. That’s the beauty of it – two people growing and sharing life. Thanks for stopping by!
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I just love to do ballroom dancing specially during my free times. dancing is my passion.~,;
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I think knowing how to move and to sync with your couple really is the key for a good relation ship ballroom shows how you would adjust, to how both of you would adapt to each other.
.-= Trina Colon @ nv henderson foreclosure´s last blog ..Las Vegas Hard Money Going Limp! =-.
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Dancing is an exercise. This is one of the best exercise everyone can do. This is a healthy habit!
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Such a refreshing take on marriage! What with all the women’s lib issues going around, its so soothing to know that there is someone out there who feels like I do. I have never had trouble submitting to my husband. I never thought that it was much of a big deal because I always thought that that was how things are meant to be. But this does not mean that I am completely and utterly amenable and obedient to all of his whims and wishes. I make sure to voice out, refuse, and rebuff whenever I feel I am right. Submitting to our husbands is different from being inferior to them.
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Love, love, love this article!! I have been teaching almost 25 years and this is what I try to teach to my students every day. Only you put it so much more beautifly that I think I ever have. I have had a few students tell me that they have learned more about marriage while learning to dance. I try very hard to teach people the differences in the male and female attributes and how they are presented on the dance floor to add symmetry and balance.
For the longest time I thought I was the only one who was seeing the relationship between marriage and dance. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am not the only one! THANK YOU!
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