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Community Requires Commintment

Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. 1 John 3:16 (KJV)

We understand what love is when we realize that Christ gave his life for us. That means we must give our lives for other believers. 1 John 3:16 (GWT)

Question to Consider:
How can I help cultivate today the characteristics of real community in my small group and my church?
Sometimes we have to be the first person to reveal our weaknesses. This can be scary if you haven’t accepted the fact that everyone has come short of the glory of God; that we are all filthy rags in the sight of God; that we are often as disgusting as the dog that returns to his vomit and the pig to his mud. There are people in church who want to paint a spotless picture, but they don’t realize they are just covering up the dirt with a new coat of paint – they haven’t cleaned anything up. But we can’t worry about these people and really, when they start listening to our honest testimony they may even get motivated to change. When they realize that it is safe to be who God has made them to be – that He made no mistake in choosing their personality and physical traits – they may even begin to scrape off all that paint and let the real them shine through.

In order to cultivate real community in our small groups, Paster Rick Warren encourages us to make a group covenant that includes the nine characteristics of biblical fellowship:

• Authenticity – we will share our true feelings
• Mutuality – we will offer encouragement
• Sympathy – we will support each other and bear each other’s burdens
• Mercy – we will forgive each other
• Honesty – we will speak the truth in love
• Humility – we will admit our own weaknesses
• Courtesy – we will respect our differences, we don’t all have to be the same
• Confidentiality – we won’t gossip about each other
• Frequency – we will meet often and make it a priority

Important Quotes:
“Cultivating community takes honesty. You will have to care enough to lovingly speak the truth, even when you would rather gloss over a problem or ignore an issue.” (Warren, 146)

“Many fellowships have been sabotaged by fear: No one had the courage to speak up in the group while a member’s life fell apart.” (Warren, 146)

“Real fellowship, whether in a marriage, a friendship, or your church, depends on frankness. In fact, the tunnel of conflict is the passageway to intimacy in any relationship. Until you care enough to confront and resolve the underlying barriers, you will never grow close to each other…Frankness is not a license to say anything you want, wherever and whenever you want. It is not rudeness. The Bible tells us there is a right time and a right way to do everything.” (Warren, 147)

“Cultivating community takes humility…Pride builds walls between people; humility builds bridges…Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” (Warren, 148)

“Cultivating community takes courtesy. Courtesy is respecting our differences, being considerate of each other’s feelings, and being patient with people who irritate us…One key to courtesy is to understand where people are coming from. Discover their history. When you know wat they’ve been through, you will be more understanding. Instead of thinking about how far they still have to go, think about how far they have come in spite of their hurts.” (Warren, 149)

Cultivating community takes confidentiality. Only in the safe environment of warm acceptance and trusted confidentiality will people open up and share their deepest hurts, needs, and mistakes.” (Warren, 150)

“Cultivating community takes frequency. You must have frequent, regular contact with your group in order to build genuine fellowship. Relationships take time.” (Warren, 150)

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